The Imp(atience) Imp

May I tell you of an interesting interaction I once had?

The story itself isn’t earth shattering or anything. It’s just one of those little stories I feel we’ve forgotten how to share with each other in this day and age. Like the glue that keeps interpersonal relationships together and functioning.

Yes I know that sound pretentious, but…

We have so few interactions that aren’t digital, you know?

I did once hear that younger people are turning away from social technologies, but I don’t know if that is true.

Right, ok, before we jump down that rabbit hole, I’ll tell my story.

It begins with a trip to the D. M. V.

Would it make it more mysterious and intriguing if I waved my hands around a bit?

No?

Ah well, ok here is what happened.

I was there to get my car registration renewed. I had tried to pick a time that I thought would not be too crowded. It’s just so much nicer when you can get in and out quickly. It feels like an accomplishment you know?

Anyway, when I first walked in and glanced at the waiting area it looked like I had succeeded.

I gave myself a little pat on the back for picking a good time, and as an additional win, my number snicked right out of the dispenser without any trouble at all.

On my previous visit about 30 tickets had spooled out when I’d tried to take a number. It caused all sorts of confusion later on.

The time before that? Oh man, they had this touch screen system that froze at the exact moment I tried to use it. Talk about frustrating, but that’s the DMV for you. Being able to do it all on-line now is a luxury and mercy, let me tell you.

The time I’m talking about though, the number snicked right out. If I remember correctly I had pulled number 59 or something close to that.

I looked up to the little number display box, You know, the ones with the red digital readout and usually with some white lettering across the bottom that say “Now Serving”. Only this one didn’t have, just red numbers, and when I looked those numbers read “45”. I do remember that because of what was about to happen.

Ha, I’m getting ahead of myself. Sorry, I get a bit excited when telling stories.

Anyway, 45 to 59 seemed to indicate more people than what I had thought. I remember looking up to double check and noticing that all the empty seats I’d taken note of at a glance were all either the back row of chairs or the row of chairs closest to me. It didn’t’ know what to make of that so t I resigned myself to a lengthy wait and moved in to find a seat. It turned out that those rows were empty because someone had spilled some sort of smoothie in every single chair. It looked very sticky. “As if aggressively beige walls and buzzing fluorescent lighting aren’t depressing enough” I remember thinking to myself. Because of one person everyone was in the position of having to sit in close proximity to each other, or stand. The floor was sticky too, and I just hate shifting my weight back and forth while standing on a sticky floor.

Ha, I can tell by that look on your face that you agree.

Thankfully for me, there was one chair left open, and even better, it was adjacent to the left side empty row so I would only have to sit next to one person. I felt it was a minor victory. It helps to count those, you know?

The person in the seat next to one I claimed was the cool looking old lady,

Have you ever watched the anime One Piece?

Yes?

You remember the one old lady doctor they met on the frozen island? The one that wore hot pants that showed her belly, drank a lot, was brazen and generally depicted as incredibly competent and bad ass?

Well, that’s what this lady looked like. Or rather that’s the impression I got from her. She was even wearing square sunglasses. Almost as if she had stepped across decades from the original Woodstock right into the DMV.

Too poetic?

Oh well, anyway, I sat down and started my wait, and you know me, I’m a people watcher so I started checking out who was already up with the clerks.

There were two. Clerks I mean. One was working with a teenager and a middle aged woman. Probably a kid getting his first car title with mom there for support and assistance. The second clerk was faced off against a singleton and they looked to be having a heated debate over the validity of one of the person’s documents. You know how it goes, with those annoying people who never come prepared and hold up the whole process. I immediately disliked that person, and assumed they would take forever. I also silently cursed that person’s family back a few generations in my head.

The woman next to me let out a long low whistle …

“Harsh.” she said under her breath with a semblance of a chuckle.

“What was that?” I asked her.

“Oh nothing.” she said to me with a little smile, “just thinking to myself.”

I will tell you truly. For a moment I had thought she’d been reading my mind and reacting to what I was thinking. I gaped at her a little longer than was polite, realized what I was doing, closed my mouth and stared forward.

Fairly quickly, I went back to people watching.

As I looked back, the clerk with the teen and mom combo was wrapping up, handing them the new plates. She even spared a moment to congratulate the kid. I thought that was nice of her. Once they walked away the clerk went through the motions of tidying up her space. I suspected she was doing it to get a little break in rather than do any actual tidying up.

After repositioning her stapler a couple times she turned and looked at the number display with its big red 45 glaring down at everyone.

“46!” she said out loud and advanced the number on the display to 46.

Quickly and efficiently a man in the front row stood up and walked toward her counter, at that same moment the voice of a woman interjected from behind me saying “but.. But I have number 45, I have number 45 right here. You skipped me.”

I looked over my shoulder and saw a woman holding up a ticket, she had it thrust forward in front of her, maybe to help the clerk see it better.and it had indeed said “45” .

I turned back and saw that 46 had slowed down and was looking toward.45 in confusion. She was looking back at him defiantly, as if daring him to press the issue. Eventually they both looked to the clerk for guidance. The clerk let out a sigh and vaguely gestured at 45 to go up to the counter. 46 just standing there like a gomer looking completely unsure of what to do next.

Then the lady next to me suddenly let out a cackle that made me jump in my seat a little bit. But strangely, nobody else reacted to her. I thought that was a little weird, but decided maybe it had been louder for me because I was right next to her.

Then she slapped her knee and said loudly while continuing to laugh.. “It’s really got em goin now!”

I looked at her for a moment, I was the only person reacting to her outburst of mirth.

“46!”

The other clerk had finished with the singleton and called out 46, alleviating the confusion for the guy standing around wondering what to do next. That clerk then advanced the display number to 47 as 46 had approached his counter.

This made the woman next to me laugh harder, and I didn’t get it at all. I was feeling a little embarrassed for her actually.

Then she leaned toward me and jabbed me with a bony elbow while saying, “See! See!”

I did not see, I did not see at all, I thought she was a little crazy at that point if you know what I mean. I still had to ask though. What can I say, I’m a curious person.

“See what?” I asked her.

“The Impimp!” she said to me, “it’s really got em going, very clever work going on here.’

I was so confused, so I asked again, “The what?”

“Oh just watch. You like doing that don’t ya? Watching? So wait and watch.”

She straight up winked at me as she said that last bit. Then, I shit you not, she pulled out a pack of Camels, and lit one up right there in the waiting area of the DMV.

Like it was nothing.

To my shock, again, nobody but me reacted.

“How can you smoke in here?” I asked her.

“I have my ways.” she winked at me, “Now watch.” she told me again, and she gestured toward the clerks with her cigarette hand.

I was too flustered to do anything but obey. So I watched, and waited.

Eventually the clerk with 45 finished up, looked at the display, showing 47 now, and called out…

“48!”, advancing the number to 48 and bypassing 47 entirely. This recreated the previous situation between 45 and 46 all over again. Other people in the waiting area were starting to shift around in their chairs, creating a disjointed creaky chorus of irritation and impatience.

Coincidentally, I also saw what was happening, what the woman next to me had found so amusing.

“Ha, you’re quick!” the old lady said, like she was reading my mind. She jabbed me with her elbow again too, it hurt, that thing was pointy. The act also sent a bunch of stale cigarette smoke wafting into my face. It was not pleasant at all.

But, did you catch what was happening?

Each of the clerks were following a different set of rules for deciding which number to call out. Because of that, they kept unintentionally skipping a number, to everyone’s irritation.

At that point, I had to agree with the old lady. I did find it entertaining to watch this little dance play out again. For me it made the monotony of the DMV a little less so. I was not prepared for what she told me next however.

“It’s the ImpImp” she explained to me. She even leaned close to me like she was sharing a secret. “Or Impatience Imp, or spirit, or sprite or demon or whatever you all call them in the here and now.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I decided to play along but be silly about it.

“We’d probably have to form a committee to decide what to call them.”

“Ha! You’re funny, kid.” she told me. Which I admit, made me feel good. Then she elaborated.

“They love moving into places like this and causing no end of mischief. They feed off the energy created by human impatience, or the impatience of any animal really. They’re not picky. It’s just that humans are the easiest to make impatient these days.”

At this point I had to ask, “Are you saying it’s supernatural?”

“Ha!, there’s nothing “super” about “natural’ kid, You people and your silly notions about nature.”

She actually shook her head at me, so got a little defensive and said. “But you’re implying there’s this Imp, that nobody can see, that’s manipulating those two clerks to be at odds with each other in calling out numbers. And that it’s doing all of that to make us all feel more impatient so it can have more to feed on?”

“I’m starting to doubt myself calling you quick, kid. But yes, that is precisely what I’m saying. It probably got someone to spill their smoothie all over the chairs too.” she told me.

“I mean, that is fascinating,” I said, assuming I believe you, but where is it? Can I see it?”

This is where she rolled her eyes at me.

“Oh it’s around,” she said, “they’re shy creatures overall and not easy to catch sight of. It’s probably hanging out behind the number display up there.” she glanced around at the other people waiting. “Currently feasting by the look of it.”

Then she leaned in and whispered. “It doesn’t like me that much so it’s being extra shy.”

I don’t remember why I didn’t question why the “ImpImp” would not like her specifically, maybe I was too caught up in the moment.

What I did ask was, “Are there other of these types of creatures?”

“Oh shit yes! There’s so many, they’re like ants in some places.” she laughed.

“Really?” I asked.

If looks could kill, I would probably have died then.

“Yes, I don’t tell lies kid.” she said with deadly seriousness, “You all just don’t have the tools to perceive them all that well.”

She tapped her head with a finger as she said that. Like that guy in the meme. You know the one I’m talking about.

Anyway, I had more to ask her but fate interrupted.

“48!”

“Oh that’s me!” she said.

I remember she stood up and then looked down at me with a genuine smile on her face. “Well kid, nice talking to you ya, I gotta see this guy about a combine, see ya in a few decades.”

Honestly I didn’t understand that at all.

Not the “see you in a few decades” and not the part about a combine. I wouldn’t have thought you’d license a combine at a DMV, in the middle of an urban area. Guess I was wrong about that.

I do wonder though, about Impatience Imps and other things. How many creatures out there share our world with us but escape our notice because we don’t “have the tools.” to perceive them.

Even the thought of something that feeds on impatience seems ridiculous to me..

Anyway, what do you think?

Would that make an interesting story?